Bloody Hell: Outstanding Period Horror Stories From Across Aotearoa
Disclaimer: The following period stories, submitted by readers across the country, are not for the faint-hearted.
All week we examine our relationship with menstruation in Aotearoa. Learn more about Bleeding Week content here.
It’s not always easy to go about your normal business when some of your insides are trying to squeeze out. Anyone on their period will have a good scary story to tell with a torch under their chin about wearing white pants on the wrong day, forgetting a tampon on a nature trip, or dropping their mug. bloodied in public restrooms. We asked you to send in your funniest, funniest, saddest, scariest, and weirdest period stories, and you delivered. Reader, you have been warned.
wonders in one sentence
I bled all over my boyfriends new pants rubbing against him.
My tampon fell off while running.
The period came during my first time as a nude model.
The shortest horror story of all time: endometriosis.
I had my period for about a year and was using sanitary napkins. The worst thing ever finally happened and my period coincided with the upcoming school swim sports. Mom said it was time for me to learn how to use tampons. I couldn’t figure it out, I wasted about 15 Tampax, cried for 24 hours and threw up in the bathroom trash can full of bloody cardboard applicators. Mom finally had to help me put one on. I still want to die thinking about it, but I did pretty well in the 100 backstroke.
I got my first period when I was 12. Once I was 15, my cramps were so bad that I felt dizzy and threw up. The first two days of each period for a while were spent horizontally with a hot water bottle or on the porcelain throne.
I was at form two camp and we walked from camp to horseback riding. I got halfway there, a 10 minute walk, and I bled through my super tampon and my clothes and blood started pouring down my leg. It was excruciatingly embarrassing and I had to go back with one of the teachers to change.
When I first got my period I was so freaked out that I threw all my bloody underwear and pads in a bucket under the house and poured bleach all over it every day. a few weeks hoping that everything would dissolve. We moved years ago, but the blood monster bucket is probably still there.
My mom gave me tampons without explaining how they worked and so I put them on but didn’t push them up and it was a very uncomfortable experience until I read the little booklet on the packet a few more cycles late !
Out and about
I fell asleep on the plane and bled through my light blue jeans. Walked the entire aisle unknowingly and then had to wear them for another 12 hours. I always carry a change of clothes now.
Deciduous plaster is a rare side effect of the pill and I’ve had it twice [editor’s note: do not Google this at work]. He’s white and fleshy, looks like an alien from a cheap horror game from the early 2010s. I had the worst cramps of my life before they came out in one big glop. Also, I was on the piss when it happened and the pain stopped so I just blushed and went on with my night.
One time I was really stoned at a barbecue and I was on my period. My foot went numb about seven times, so I kept re-reading the pad insert to make sure it wasn’t toxic shock syndrome. I kept reassuring myself and going back to barbecuing again and again. On the way down I realized that I had put a foot under me every time I sat down.
On my gap year at 17, I got my period and had a heavy flow. I wondered why my lady bits smelled super funky – I realized about four days later that my tampon had been lost up there and I had put on a second tampon.
Once my cramps got so bad that I ended up in a ball at the mall and had to be helped down the stairs because I couldn’t walk without falling.
My first night in period underwear and I went to dinner at a friend’s house. I was wearing their most absorbent underwear (good for three tampons, apparently). All I can say is it was a real bloodbath, Stephen King wouldn’t have looked at it. Forty years old and still failing.
I bled slightly in my pants when I was a young lawyer a few years ago. I asked to go home and get changed and my boss said “you might as well stay over there – you’re no use when you’re in rags anyway”.
I was freelancing for a few days in a posh office in Ponsonby. I went to the bathroom and emptied my menstrual cup but I didn’t have to really think because for some reason that day I hadn’t emptied it into the wharepaku first, I just put the full menstrual cup under the tap and turned it on…. only to find that the tap felt like fire hose pressure and splashed the contents of the cup all over the mirror, the wall, the floor and me.
My manager at work asked me if I wanted a promotion and I couldn’t speak or say anything in response because I could feel my cup dripping into my expensive new jeans.
Bleeding through my white jeans at work at 30 made me feel like a 90s Libra ad made by straight men who had never bought their wives tampons in their lives.
The first time I decided to try my menstrual cup, I was about three wines deep after Survivor’s second season launch party and didn’t read the instructions properly. I pushed it up there with the aplomb of a seasoned tampon user, went to bed and forgot until the NEXT EVENING when it started to LEAK and remembered that I was WITH A CUP. Unfortunately, due to the aforementioned plumbness, I had placed the cup too high and my stupid stubby fingers couldn’t grip it well. At this point, my lizard brain took over and I simply lay in the bath, breathing deeply, and GIVE BIRTH to my menstrual cup.
My moon mug bounced off a TRAMPOLINE at the ZOO and I had to walk past the LION ENCLOSURE to the restroom to manage.
On the opening night of the Auckland Art Fair, my moon mug started gushing blood. I had to walk half the length of the Cloud with my legs together so the blood wouldn’t drip to my ankles. A friend helped me to the bathroom and we were in a hysterical fit because I had blood running down to my knees.
Around the third day of my first foray into the life of the menstrual cup, I tried to take it out at work to empty it, as I had successfully done the previous two days, but couldn’t get a hold of it. the bugger. Well, I thought, it’s not leaking, I’ll just leave it. I didn’t think about it anymore. Until, on my way home that evening, I discovered – with growing dread – that the cup was blocked. Stuck in there. Not. Coming. Out. I could reach it, just, but the rod was nowhere to be found. The cup had somehow turned aside. Feeling increasingly panicked, I texted my sister to let her know about my situation. She replied, helpfully, with OH MY GOD THIS IS A DISASTER WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??????!!!! I ended the conversation and sat on the couch for a while, did some google, wondered if I should go to A&E, then messaged a co-worker from work who, I remember, had been through a similar situation. [editor’s note: see above]. Both Google and co-worker were much more helpful than my sister: relax, take a deep breath, maybe lie down in the bath or shower and press it. It’s not pretty but it works – basically I delivered the cup, then poured myself a stiff drink to recover. I confess that I gave up on this cursed cut for the next cycles, but finally, I braved it once again, and you know what? It was absolutely fine. The moral of the story is that you don’t have to push it as far as you might think – it’s not a tampon! And if he gets stuck, try to stay calm and remember – he will be go out.
THE SEALED SECTION R18
I was dating my boss from a bar I worked at it was dark but I could tell things were a little smoother than usual and I did some quick mental calculations and realized I was going have my period. He was really going to town and I didn’t want to mess up his flow, but when he was done I told him to go straight to the shower and not turn on the light. I heard him come in, turn on the light, then I heard him scream. He was spattered with menstrual blood from his knees to his chest.
It was my third date with my ex, and after we had sex, I spilled some menstrual blood on his white bath mat. Honestly, bold of me to have period sex on the third date.
I once walked home with someone and woke up in the morning to what can only be described as a murder scene that had exploded in my bed. I was hungover and didn’t realize until he got up to go to the bathroom that we were both covered in blood. I wanted to melt into a sea of nothingness then and since then I can’t sleep next to someone if I’m on my period or know it’s due soon.
I was dating and was a little tipsy and knew I would eventually have to tell her I was on my period, but I was enjoying the petting session in the meantime. Things were getting hotter and heavier and I was pretty into it and hands started wandering in places, I had my menstrual cup in it so… “some activities” could be entertained undetected. I think I got a little carried away because the next thing I know the guy is trying to get him in and he’s met first with the pointy end of my menstrual cup. “Oh yeah! I should mention something…”